Remembering a friend who is gone...

Posted by Judy Kennedy, May 5th, 2009

[Click on photos to enlarge]

Itʼs a funny thing, liking this Milby Blog. Why is it so interesting to read and think about friends and classmates who inhabited our lives over 50 years ago? Surely so much has happened to all of us between then and now? So what is it? Perhaps itʼs a bit more than curiousity, even more than just comparison, even more than nostalgia. Perhaps only now can we really understand how to treasure our sense of belonging. We were all together, in our hope, in our innocence, in our dreams for the future. All of us coming from that one place, where we belonged.

 

As we near our 50th reunion, I have been thinking more and more of the dear friends who belonged with us then and are no longer with us now. As the Quakers say, “There are only two sins, to speak when not moved and to not speak when moved.” I feel moved to remember Connie Oliveros. She died so long ago and it seemed way too soon. I was in Seattle and didnʼt learn about her death until many months later. I feel sad that I didnʼt get a chance to say goodbye and to help her.

 

I have so many fond memories of our times together. I met Connie and Linda Nell way back in Bonner Elementary. [click here to see Connie, Judy, and Linda on the front row - just behind the Bonner sign - in their 6th grade class photo] We all became good friends, which entailed many great times and many competitions and tears. Sleepovers at Connieʼs house were great. Her Mom was so sweet and provided us with great treats and so much patience for our all night shenanigans.

 

Her house, right down the street from mine on Weir Drive, seemed like a castle to me. It was on the corner and really big by our standards. She had her own beautiful frilly, girly room complete with window seat. We would sit there in our teen years for hours, hoping one of our boyfriends would drive by.

 

Wrapping our boyfriends houses with toilet paper, tasting forbidden booze from our parents liquor cabinet, going to the teen canteen, crying rivers of tears for lost loves became part of the glue of our friendship.

 

On Sundays I would just “happen” to stop by and would always be welcomed by her family and the wonderful fried chicken Mrs. Oliveros would make. During the hard times in my family, that was such a solace to me.

 

After graduation, our lives took very different paths and we lost touch. I saw her at the 25th reunion and was touched by her smile, a quiet sadness and her seemingly  endless love for Larry.

 

I wonder if anyone else has memories they might like to share of her life, of her funeral, of any moments that might have meaning for you.

 

Thank you in advance and I offer these thoughts in part from a blessing by John OʼDonohue:

 

Though your days here were brief,

Your spirit was alive, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer

From the old distance of our names;

Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,

As close to us as we are to ourselves.

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,

We know our soulʼs gaze is upon your face,

Smiling back at us from within everything

To which we bring our best refinement.

 

Much love and blessings to all.....Judy Kennedy

 

 

 

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Comments

[Linda McKnight Thomason]

Judy, it's just wonderful to read the precious memories you have of Connie. I loved her too. Unfortunately, I was there to see up close and personal the tragic end of what I considered a "perfect life"

[Glenda Burns Minniece]

Judy, what a wonderful tribute to a lovely person. Connie and I were never close friends but I always liked her a lot. She had a warm, generous spirit and a ready laugh. Thanks for the Quaker quote. I hadn't heard that before. How true it is!

As to your living on Weir, I didn't remember that. I remember you living on Lenore as I did. Mother used to say that every time we rode past your house, I'd say, "That's where Judy Kennedy lives."

I think you hit the nail on the head when you say, "Perhaps only now we know how to treasure our sense of belonging." I've never been much into nostalgia, nor have I ever looked back on my teen years with particular fondness or sadness. But learning about our classmates via the blog has been enriching.

[Mike Roberts]

People enter our lives through many doors. They come and go before any real treasures are known. It is thru common threads, like neighborhood, school, teamwork, church, organization, etc., that bonding begins and if nurtured can create profound and lasting memories and friendships for ages.

Never forgotten episodes of human companionship painted in the crevices of ones mind that only two hearts can recall. And when called upon allow us to expose our remembrances and inner feelings for others who have passed our way.

Thanks Karla, for the venue that allows us to recapture and share these precious moments !

[Judy Kennedy]

Linda Nell,

Thank you so much for responding. It's fortunate that we have a space like this to discover our common bonds. For you and I, Connie was definitely a common bond. I am glad for her that you were there even though it must have been so hard. I will email you more privately. Love, Judy

[Judy Kennedy]

Hi Glenda,

Thank you for your kind words about Connie. Yes, you are right we did live on Lenore drive but we eventually moved to Wier drive right down the street from Connie.

I also love the Quaker quote. It has helped me many times to guage when to speak and to give myself a little push when shyness or hesitation started to prevent me from speaking.

In that vein, you should know that I was always moved and impressed by your sweet and tender nature. Like the Dalai Lama you seemed to hold kindness as your priority in life. Thank you for that.

Love,

Judy

[John Echoff]

Judy, Linda, Glenda what heart warming and inspiring thoughts of a friend. Connie was indeed fortunate to have such wonderful, loyal friends. I am truly moved by your tributes and those comments make me realize how much love was generated. God bless all of you and I pray he keeps you safe.

[Randy Lofgren]

From the perspective of a big brother's remembrance, all of these comments are special. They all take me back to a time when we were invincible and ready for any challenge. Now that I think about it, nothing has really changed much in that regard. We understand what reality teaches us but deny the limitations it creates as long as possible. Thanks for this post, Judy.